This started as a comment to a post on Aaminah’s blog but then it took on a life of its own…

1. Do you personally enjoy hearing/reading conversion stories, or could you kinda take ‘em or leave ‘em? If so, are there particular reasons that you feel as you do? Has your like/dislike changed over your time of being Muslim?

When I was coming to Islam, it seemed that very few westerners had taken this step, so I was interested in whatever stories I could find. There was a book in circulation, “Islam Our Choice” but the stories all seemed to be from upper class Europeans from the later 19^th and early 20^th centuries. It seemed that very few people of my time and place (and –ugh! – class) had become Muslim. When I did meet more contemporary converts, most of them were from a Catholic background, and my background is Protestant. It took a long time to find anyone with a similar background to mine. In the beginning I was very anxious to “compare notes”. I still enjoy hearing and reading conversion stories. Sometimes it lifts one’s spirit to see the enthusiasm of a “newbie”.

2. Do you ever want to ask a “born” Muslim: “So, you were born into a Muslim family, what’s your story” or “So what’s your story about how you chose to live Islam”?

Yes, sometimes I do. When families are non-practising and a person decides to become committed to the diyn, there are many parallels with the stories of those whose came from non-Muslim families. I also like to hear stories of those who grew up in strongly religious Muslim families, especially in non-Muslim countries. Many of us converts are raising children in the diyn and it is good to hear from those who grew up in Islam how it was.

3. Do you like telling your own story? What do you like or dislike about telling it?

Sometimes I like to tell it, sometimes not. Depends on my mood and the audience. If I feel they are just being blimmin’ nosy, then I will balk. If I feel telling it will be a good thing for any reason (sometimes it seems to cheer born-Muslims, and sometimes it gives non-Muslims some food for thought and knocks a few sterotypes on the head, which is always good!) then I will tell, but not the whole story – that would take too long. I dislike being interrogated and asked invasive personal questions, but sharing ideas, thoughts and experiences with a person with whom I feel some sense of real friendship and connection is a different matter.

4. Have you ever refused to tell your story? Why?

Yes. I just get tired of being an amusing specimen or being grilled and having to explain myself to people who can’t get their head around the combination of the accent, skin colour (or lack therof) and hijab. If I dislike the vibes, I clam up.

On my first visit to the Middle East, I was repeatedly asked if I was playing dress-up or “going native, har har har”. When I told people I was Muslim, the westerners were disconcerted and the Muslims were delighted but I had to recite al-Fatihah to prove it. The first few times it was o.k., then I began to get a wee bit fed up of being asked a. to prove myself and b. to perform.

The “performing monkey” thing is a real pain. Learning the lingo adds an extra frustration. Many people seem to find it amusing that a person of my background can speak it, but they don’t really want to hear anything I have to say. They just get me to say something because it’s entertaining to hear it. (On the second, thoughts, it may just be a culture clash, in that the way they express their being pleased at finding a foreigner who speaks their language comes across to my cultural receptors as mockery and condescension. And perhaps I am sending out weird cultural signals too.) The few that I can actually converse with, without such attitudes or crossed wires, are especially dear to me.

Oh, and being called a “new” Muslim after a quarter of a century in the diyn also grates. More than half of my life has now been lived in Islam, alhamdulillah. Please, just call me a Muslim, eh!

5. Do you find it different, or that you react or feel differently, being asked by a fellow convert versus a “born” Muslim to share your story?

Again, it depends who is asking, the circumstances and the “vibes”. (Oh dear, I sound like an aging hippie, and I’m not. Really.) Sometimes I just get really tired of explaining who and what I happen to be. Increasingly when quizzed about the “discrepancy” between my accent and my appearance, I just point out where I was born and raised leave it at that.

6. Do you ever wish that you could change the story you’ve told? Do you ever feel compelled to “update” it? Do you have different “versions” you tell depending on the audience?

Not really. I tend to highlight different aspects depending on who’s asking, what I feel is of most interest or relevance to the current conversation, and (you guessed it) the vibes.

7. Do you ever regret having told your story? Why?

I do rather regret once giving a talk on my conversion to a certain group, with whom I have struggled to feel any real connection. Let’s just say that it didn’t bring me any closer to them, or them to me, which is rather sad because we are all Muslims. 

8. Is it different for women versus men? Who asks you more often? Who gets asked more often? Are the connotations or feelings involved different depending on gender?

Well, I am pretty reserved with men so it isn’t really an issue. Some professionals may ask (doctors etc), and I give them the very short version because that isn’t the purpose of my interaction with them and in most cases it is pretty irrelevent to the reason for seeing them. Who gets asked more often? I would imagine it is convert sisters who wear hijab, especially, perhaps, white sisters. The brothers can “get away with it” if they wear western garb and keep their birth names, but the sisters who wear hijab and/or change their names are instant targets of curiosity. We are more “visible” in society in general, but I think white brothers may be more visible once they enter the masjid, especially the more “ethnic” ones. I remember reading the story of an English ex-army man who became Muslim and went to the mosque; he was a big, mean-looking guy, built like the proverbial brick outhouse, with a shaved head. The brothers present were quite nonplussed by the sight of this “skinhead” in their mosque who they feared was there to cause trouble. It took a while for them to accept that he was there for the same reason they were, to worship Allah.

I think the request I would make to anyone who wants to ask a convert about his or her story is to be sincere and have a modicum of respect for their privacy and the fact that they are human beings would appreciate being welcomed and included, not just regarded as some kind of trophy or freak specimen.